Sunday, October 30, 2011

Mom's Survival Pack

Mom's Survival Pack
I've decided that every new mom needs an amazing survival Gift Pack. And I've decided that I am going to make a new mom survival pack and give them to each and every new mom that I know.
This is not your feel good, snuggly kind of gift pack you give a mom. You know the kind....Slippers and bubbles and all that stuff that people think a new mom needs so she can "pamper" herself.
HA! Pamper yourself? Seriously? We need to give moms a real survival pack. A pack that when REAL life hits her she will fully appreciate the gift.
And here is what I think we should include:
Ear Plugs: Because let's face it.....Ear Plugs can and will be your best friend. You can use them for not only your children but your husband too. You will need them for everyday life. For the car....For the house.....For when you need to take a bath....Or just gather your thoughts. Trust me......Silence will never be experienced in a non artifical way again. So, just face it and put your ear plugs in.
Sunglasses.... WITH BLINDERS. Believe me you will need blinders. The Blinders will help in ignoring everything around you. Trust me you will need them. There will be lots of days that you can't take it anymore and pretending that it just doesn't exsist will be your best bet.
Blinders will help.
OK....Obvious I'm sure, but Tylenol....You will need it. You will need it for your body pains, your head pains, and your everyday life pains.
Boxed Wine....You gotta have it. Learn to love it (If you don't already) and keep it in the fridge. Drink it and Drink it and then Drink it some more. Use a sippy cup if you must but drink it.
Door Locks.....Get them and USE THEM. They will work well for locking the houdlems out of the bathroom, the bedrooms, wherever you don't want them. Baby Gates don't work great....they can escape from them. Tear them down or climb them. So, just get door locks and just lock them out.
OK....Let's just be real here. You're not going to make it without Xanax. At some point in motherhood you are going to need them. So, just get real now. See your Doctor (Since I can't legally supply the Xanax. lol) And get yourself a nice supply of them.
Otherwise I may throw in some things like Ambian and Nyquil. (For the mom) Some Benadryl (Trust me all you NEW moms you'll know why we use that soon) and maybe some duct tape. Cause when all else fails duct tape fixes everything. You can use it for all kinds of things. ;) *taping mouths, taping hands, taping kids to walls*

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