Monday, August 8, 2011

This Little Light of Mine

Amazing how things happen that you don't expect. And how things you never would have dreamed, become your reality. This little boy. My Little Baer is so amazing and special to me. He has made me dream bigger, love more, stop and smell the roses, and live greater then I ever imagined.
All of my children are special. Don't get me wrong. I love them all and they are all amazing to me. But something "different" happened when Little Baer was born. Something "different" was born to me. Some call it a disability. Some call it "bad" news or tell me they "are sorry". I'm not. I'm not sorry one moment that my Little Baer is who he is. His smile illuminates the room. His laugh could break down a brick wall. His imagination and interest in the world is far different then my other children. He does stop and take the time to look, to see, and to love his world. And in turn has taught me to do the same. This little light of mine has filled every depth of my soul with love. I am a better person and a better mother because of him.
Last night he was upset, he was frustrated and mad because he wanted something and couldn't tell me what. I scoped him up and hugged and loved him and we figured it out. But I was sad, all night. Sad because he was so sad. I laid in bed for a long time thinking and reflecting on how to give him more, and how to make his world better. How much I love him and how much he has changed my life. My entire world changed the day he was born. Seriously, my entire world. Nothing is as it was before he was born. And I would not go back for one day. This amazing journey we are on has made us all better people. I hope that as he grows that he realizes there was never a day. Never a second. That he wasn't wanted or loved. I hope his days are filled with happiness and love. I want that, he needs that. And so do I.
That one little tiny extra chromosone has changed me. There was a time of sadness, but holding him and touching him and laying him on my chest got me through that. And now, there is nothing but blue skies and windmills here in Holland. We have tulips too! Yes, rain comes sometimes, but the assurance that rain brings more flowers is enough for me.
So today as I sing "This little light of mine" (To work on isolating that index finger!!) I am singing it with all my heart. I love you Little Baer

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