Tuesday, August 14, 2012

God's Work

I have to admit, I am a work in progress when it comes to God and Faith. I have always been a believer, but my faith hasn't always been as strong as it should be. But, 3 years ago when little baer was born I found myself at a very important crossroad. And my faith began to evolve. I remember it like it was yesterday, I was sorting through some baby clothes that brother baer had worn. I pulled out a pair of yellow pajamas that had been bought my a dear friend of mine for brother baer and on the front of them it read: "And a Little Child Shall Lead Them" - Isiah 11:6. And at that very moment, sitting in the bedroom on the floor, with a baby with a broken heart laying beside me, I realized that this perfect little son of mine was given to me because he was leading me to where I needed to be.

I picked up my old Bible, and started searching. I wasn't really sure what for exactly. But just felt the need to read it. Then I called my mom, who called a dear old friend, to find me passages to read in strength and courage. I began to rely on it, daily reading the Bible to get through those months. The upcoming Open Heart surgery, the life after that. All of it. Then I felt God calling me to give back, to do his work for others. To open my heart and mind to his calling. And so I did.

It's been three years since that time. And some days I feel like I might be wrong about my path. The days that I find myself overwhelmed or feeling inadequate. The days that I feel very ill equipped to be a special needs mom, or some days even a mom at all. The days that I feel like this "job" is to big for me and it's not something I can accomplish. Or the worst days that I think....Why me? why on earth did you think that I could do this?

But that quickly fades, as an email comes in from a friend, or a phone call from a new family. The days that my kids shine with so much love and grace. It reminds me that I am doing what I was meant to be doing. I was meant to be this special needs mom, a heart mom, a voice for others. When things get dark and times get tough....something ALWAYS happens. Every.Single.Time. An offer of help, a donation from a stranger, a carload of donations for Care Bags, or just a smile from those babies of mine. It's like a voice from God saying.....You are doing the right thing, you are doing my work, and I am supporting you through this.

There has NEVER been a time on this journey that I (or We) needed something and the person we needed or the thing we needed to be supplied with has not been placed in front of me just as it is needed. From the very first person placed in my life, at the exact right time to the endless supply of love and encouragement that comes my way. That is how I know that I am following God's plan for me. I am following the journey as it is laid out for me to walk. It is certainly not easy. And I guess it was never meant to be. but, I am not alone. And that my friends, is a wonderful feeling.

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