Monday, June 13, 2011

Where I've been...and Where I am

So I was reading my old blog that I wrote before Trenton's surgery. His 2 year happy heart day is coming up quickly. 2 weeks from now. I feel like a completely different person then I was 2 years ago. And I guess I am. We all are. Things like Open Heart Surgery changes your life. FOREVER. But this isn't a bad place to be. I now feel that I am where I am supposed to be. Where God wants me. Spending my days doing what I love. Being a stay at home mom. Advocating for and supporting CHD families. This is my life. And I feel confident now. I wrote in a post 2 years ago how I wanted to feel confident again. Well.....I do. I feel confident that I am on the right path, making the right decisions, and working God's plan.
there's still a part of me hurting. I never realized it till I realized that it's been 2 years and I still can't open up all the stuff from Trenton's surgery. I can't make his scrap book yet because I can't bear to look at those things. 2 years and I'm not ready. It's ok though. I'll be ready someday. And until then it's safe in the tote bag I received from the Tulsa Mended Little Hearts. Everything from his stay is in there. The pictures, the journal I wrote, the things we saved. It's all there waiting. Waiting for me until the time is right. Maybe it will be 3 years. Or maybe 5...I don't know. But I can tell you that I can remember every moment of that stay. Every moment of that day. Every feeling, every sound, every smell. That I think will never go away.
But here I am. On the other side. And it feels good. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of those days before surgery. And there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about CHD's. But now here....Life is "normal" Life is good. And life is happy!

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