Halloween Sneak Peek

Halloween is fast approaching and making 3 handmade costumes is a challenge since time is limited. So, I decided today to start working on them and try to knock it out early so there is no last minute freaking out on my part. (Which always happens) I figured I would have enough time to mess up a few times and still not be limited or freaking out on Halloween morning. LOL

So.... a Knight, a Dragon, and a Princess

I bought everything for all the costumes yesterday for less then $30.00!!! Now I do need to go back today and pick up a few more things. But for sure it's going to be a much cheaper way to go then buying a $30.00 costume for each.

The Knight tunic is a red tee shirt ($2.47 in craft section) Foam board, felt and glitter glue. and a few left over gems from the Princess hat and the Crests are ready for everything!

Sword and shield are cut from foam board and spray painted silver. Then the crests will be placed on them too!

Cloak is started too! Everything is drying

The boys even helped get into the action!

Brother Baer was loving getting into making the stuff and even decided on how many toes and claws a dragon should have.

Little Baer wasn't quite as helpful. Although he sure was having fun!

Still need to build Armor and let everything dry. But the Kinght is getting done!

Dragon costume is underway as well! Wings, spikes, feet and claws are underway.

Still need lots of work but everything is coming along great.

And of course the Princess is going to be cute as a button. Her costume is started with a Tutu....someone has given me for her. And a hat I made along with her wand. Still working on her top part of her dress and jewels. But I have time. :)

Had a little help from my friends with the spikes. I'm going to glue them together and use spray adhesive to stiffen them to stand. And then line the sides of the bottom with scales. Still need to build a tail. And some other things....It's a work in progress....lots of time. Right?

Princess Hat is made from scrapbook glitter paper, tulle, and foam stickers and jewels picked up from the clearance section of walmart.

Tutu was handmade just not by me. :) It was a gift passed down to Baby Baer.

Wand is a foam wand from dollar store with jewels and stickers added.

So, all in all an awesome way to spend the day!!

Baby Baer modeling her Princess hat!

Christmas Morning

Christmas morning, 1979.
I was 9 years old. This day, this moment in childhood sticks out in my mind almost more than any other event in 40 years. My mom had worked so hard on this day. It wasn’t a glitzy elaborate event. Handmade ornaments were hanging from Christmas tree, surrounded by multi colored glow from the lights. Handmade garland made from cut outs of fabric, sewn together and stuffed, then strung together perfectly was hanging from the ceiling between the living room/ dining room areas in our base housing at Camp Pendleton, California. My mom, my sister, and my step dad lived in a modest 2 bedroom home there. As most military families we were not wealthy or even well off. My parents struggled to pay the bills and to provide for our family. But, at 9, not of that was even apparent to me. I walked out into the living room from my room to see what Santa had left me. I was wearing pajamas made for me by my grandma back east. The excitement was caught in a picture at the very moment I saw the presents.
I received 4 gifts that year. An Andy Gibb poster, an Andy Gibb puzzle and the two things that were the pivotal weapons to groom me into the person I am today. A Gerber Baby Doll that my mom had saved Gerber labels from my baby sister’s baby food and mailed in and received for free. She was dressed in a white gown, hand sewn, her eyes closed when you laid her down and she was beautiful. I loved her. She was mine to love forever. The other item was a handmade cradle for my baby that my step dad had crafted and my mom had painted white. In the cradle was a pink bedding set. The blanket and pillow were also handmade for me by my mom. It was the greatest Christmas ever. I cannot tell you many details about other years. But this Christmas….it was different.
Why this Christmas stood out in my mind didn’t become clear to me until much later. You see, all I ever wanted to be was a mom. That’s it. I never as a child inspired to be a doctor or a lawyer or anything other than a mom. I was to have 2 boys and 2 girls. They would all be beautiful and perfect. I would dress them in expensive clothing and match them to each other. Dresses for the girls, adorable pant suits for the boys. They would be smothered in love every moment of everyday. I would lavish them with everything they ever dreamed of having. I was going to marry an amazing handsome man, maybe a doctor, or maybe a prince, and would spend my life caring for my family. We would be the envy of the suburban neighborhood we were going to live in. We would go to church of course, every Sunday in our Sunday best. And I would chat with the other moms about all the amazing things my children were doing this week. And we would watch the children laugh and play together. Then we would go to grandma’s house for our Sunday dinner and the cousins would all play together for the afternoon. During the week I, of course, would volunteer for charities. Giving back would always be important. Maybe saving animals or the homeless would be my calling. That would be my life. An important one, a fabulous one. A mother, a wife, a volunteer, making a difference in the world. That would be me.
Two lessons came from that day. One, was there was no such thing as Santa Claus (well….I saw my mom in the mall at Spencer’s gifts buying that Andy Gibb puzzle before Christmas and it came from Santa DUH!) The second lesson was that dreams do come true.
Although I must confess that God answers prayers in his way and on his time. This life I lead 29 years later. The life of a mother, of a wife, and of a volunteer is not anywhere close to being that princess perfect life I dreamed of. You see my dreams never had words like Atriaventricular Septal Defect, Bicuspid Aortic Valve, Congenital Heart Defects, Down Syndrome, Autism, Mood Disorder, Oppositional Defiance Disorder, or Expressive Language Disorder. My dreams never had me spending nights in a hospital standing a vigilant guard by my child’s bedside. Watching the monitors and praying for sleep and no PVC’s. Nor did my dreams have me spending my days learning about chest tubes and Pacemaker wires. I also didn’t dream the 10 therapy appointments a week that we attend. The multiple Autistic meltdowns of epic proportions weren’t on the agenda either. None of these things were in my planning when I planned out my life but alas here we are....Here I am. A few other things weren’t on my list of dreams either. But through it all one thing remains true. God does not call on the equipped. He equips those who he calls. And God is the one who makes the choices for me in my life. I am simply here, doing God's work. Blessed to be the one he has called and equipped for this journey. I love my family and my life. And those beauitful babies that God has sent me!

Saurkraut Stuffed Banana Peppers

Saurkraut Stuffed Banana Peppers

32 Banana Peppers (I use mild)

4 cups of saurkraut

Minced Garlic

Brine: 16 cups of Vinegar, 16 cups water, 2 cups sugar, 1 cup canning salt.

Makes 8 quarts

Cut the ends off your peppers and deseed them. Stuff them with cooked saurkraut. Add one tablesoon of minced garlic to each quart jar and stuff them with the banana peppers. Cover with Brine leaving 1/4 inch head space.

Seal with hot seals and rims. Water bath for 10 minutes.

Pepperoni Stuffed Banana Peppers

Pepperoni Stuffed Banana Peppers

32 Large Banana Peppers (I use mild)

2 large sticks of pepperoni

Minced Garlic

Brine:

16 cups of vineagr

16 cups of water

2 cups of sugare

1 cup of salt

Cut the tops off the peppers and deseed them. Cut your pepperoni in small sticks to match the approx. size of your peppers.

Pack the peppers with pepperoni. Place 1 tablesoon of minced garlic in each quart jar and pack the peppers into the jar. (If you rotate the peppers up and down they will fit better)

Pour the Brine into jars to cover the peppers. Leaving 1.4 inch head space. Seal with hot seals and rims.

Water bath for 10 minutes.

Hot Banana Pepper Rings

Hot Banana Pepper Rings

50 small to medium hot peppers (Or Mild)

Brine:

4 cups Vinegar

4 cups Water

1/2 cup sugar

1/4 cup canning salt

Cut and deseed the hot peppers (Use gloves! They burn and soak into your skin. Causing burning later!)

Cut the end off and then coin them.

I mix hot with mild. They are great for sauces, pizza, salads and other things throughout the winter.

Bring Brine to boil. Bring seals to boil as well. Have jars sterilizing.

Pack into hot jars, Pour Brine over them leaving a 1/4 inch head space.

Wipe rims, place seal and ring. Water bath for 10 minutes!

How to help moms like me

If you EVER come in contact with me (or a mom like me) in daily life here are some general rules of how to help.

On the 6 year old:

Please don't LOOK at me like I'm a bad mom when my 6 year old has a meltdown in the grocery store. And give me the look that I should take him home and relieve you of your suffering....Honestly I would rather stab myself in the eye then have to deal with it too. But the fact is that my family needs to eat. My husband works full time and then some so the only way we get food is for me to take him. And deal. So please just deal too. I know it sucks.

You COULD however offer to push my cart with my 2 babies and groceries to the car for me while I carry the 60lb child that is kicking and hitting me.

PLEASE don't tell me you know how it is, unless you have experienced the violence and abuse from your own child in the midst of an autistic tantrum. You honestly don't know how I feel. And comparing that to your son stomping his feet when he doesn't get candy isn't the same. It just isn't.

You COULD offer to stand with my babies while I deal with him or chase him down through the parking lot.

PLEASE don't tell me that taking him to the pumpkin patch *or anywhere* with you and your kids would be awesome fun. It really won't be with him. Understand that his brain is different. and it's not fun. And don't be upset when I say we can't go. It's not that I don't want to go and hang out with other moms. I would love nothing more then that. I just can't.

You COULD offer to come over and hang out here at my house with me. Where he is comfortable. I do love to talk to adults and love the company.

PLEASE don't tell me that it could be worse. I already know that. It doesn't take the "suckiness" away. It really doesn't. It doesn't make it easier.

You COULD offer to babysit the kids and then pretend to be ok when my 6 year old assualts you. I really do feel bad when it happens. I hate that I can't trust him to stay with others.

PLEASE don't tell me boys are boys, or to make a sticker chart. I can't take one more comment like that.

You COULD listen and honestly care that he choked his teacher today. And then say you're sorry I have to deal with that.

PLEASE don't say "He doesn't look/act/seem like he has Autism." That doesn't help. I don't think any of that matters and even if it did it doesn't "help" me to know that.

You COULD learn a little bit about the Autism spectrum and a little about him. And why he acts like he does.

Now.....on to my 2 year old

PLEASE don't say he doesn't "look like he has Down Syndrome bad" or "he doesn't seem severe" that doesn't even make sense. Down syndrome is not something you can have a little of. It just is. His potential in life is yet to be known. As is all of our Down Syndrome children.

You COULD say how cute or sweet or nice or smart he is. You honestly don't have to point out he has Down Syndrome. I already know.

PLEASE don't stare at him.

You COULD ask questions and honestly care if you're interested.

PLEASE don't say "Down Syndrome kids are so loving" Of course they are loving but they are also strong willed, stubborn and have a temper. :)

You COULD say his shoes are ADORABLE or any of compliment you can think of. ;)

PLEASE don't say you're sorry. I'm not sorry. Saying you're sorry is like saying he's a mistake. and he's NOT.

You COULD treat us like we are a normal family. Cause we are.

PLEASE don't use the word "retard" around us. It's insulting. And even if you "think" it's not and it's silly for us to care about a word. Just don't use it. Show respect.

You COULD use the words random and rich though....we like those words. ;)

PLEASE don't tell me that you would never mean that word to be mean because you have "special needs" friends/relatives/etc so you can use it.... That's like me saying I can use the word "fag" because I have a gay friend. That doesn't even make sense.

You COULD choose to respect and admire everyone for their own abilities. Regardless of their abilitites.

PLEASE don't tell me you don't know how I do it. Honestly...somedays I don't know how I do it either. And all that does is throw it in my face my life is rough. And I already know that.

You COULD come over and help me out. Play with the kids while I clean. That would be a DREAM

PLEASE don't treat him like he's not here. Or talk about him in front of him. He UNDERSTANDS everything you say. Even if he can't talk back. He understands you. And saying things about him is rude.

You COULD ask me questions if you really want to know about developments. I will share all my information.

Basically treat me and my children like we are "normal" cause we are. (Well as much normal as you and everyone else) We do have special needs here and we do have things to deal with. I don't want pity. Understanding would be great though! And I'm pretty sure any other mom in my shoes would feel the same!

If only.....

So, today is one of those days. It's only 10 AM and I'm whipped. It's been a long morning. I find myself dreaming of life without the challenges we face here everyday. Find myself dreaming about how it "would" be. If only....

If Only I could talk to my 6 year old and enjoy our morning. And not have the tantrums and the meltdowns over things like putting the sugar on the cereal BEFORE the milk, or why is it raining today. If only those things didn't matter to him.

If Only I didn't have to take him to his social skills class 5 days a week. Packing up the babies and myself to drive him there and pick him up later. If only he could just stay home and play like other kids.

If only Little Baer didn't have to have therapy 4 days a week. 7 times a week. If only we could just have fun and not worry about walking and talking and eating. Like other families can.

If only the decisions I have to make about Little Baer and Brother Baers futures weren't so hard. If only starting school next week was an exciting time filled with great expectations instead of dread of when Brother Baer would choke his teacher next or assault a classmate.

If only Brother Baer didn't have 3 therapies a week. And my life wasn't comsumed with therapists and doctors.

If only I didn't worry about things like hearts working right and blue lips and sweating with feedings.

If only I was niave. Just for one day if i were Niave like some of my friends....like I used to be before all these things came to me. i could relax and just enjoy my life as a mother without all the worry and stress.

If only I worried about silly things like other moms do. And people could laugh at me for worrying about them.

If only.....

I didn't know so much.

I didn't want to be informed and educated on a billion different topics. LOL.....Really I was happy not knowing.

I didn't want to know how to fill out a 75 page IEP. Didn't really care to know what an IEP was to be honest.

I didn't want to know how hearts worked and all the things that could and would go wrong.

Silly to think of those if onlys. It doesn't change my course. It doesn't make me wish I didn't have to walk this walk. It doesn't make me less in love with my miracle children. They are my precious gifts.

Just would like somedays to be simple. Easy. Fun.